looking back at 2007 - first post in a long long while
I started blogging after I got a desk job back in the army, and figured I’d see how far it went. Blogged quite a bit, even got myself a new one for college. Then I came to college… and promptly ran out of time to blog. =p
Now that I want to keep track of all those memories again, it’s a little difficult finding a place to begin.
Freshman year (or freshman semester / sophomore semester?) has been everything I wanted and hoped it to be. I am once more back in the fray of academia and loving every moment of it… learning and growing after being in effective academic stasis for almost three years (yeah, mandatory military service does that to you). Duke is just a wonderful campus… beautiful architecture, wonderful people, and amazing opportunities abound. I’ve made so many good friends here, and had the chance to interact with wonderful professors and mentors… and I’m looking forward to more and more of this in my years here.
Participating in FOCUS remains one of my most treasured experiences since coming to Duke. Joining a group of passionate students and professors in interdisciplinary study was an amazing way to kick-start the year – and, as luck would have it, even gave me an easier schedule than I would have otherwise had. I made so many good friends there, and even got a start in fields that I’m interested in pursuing.
What I value most of all – what I wouldn’t trade for the world – is my life in Christ right now: my church, my fellowship, my friends. God worked things out wonderfully for me in so many places: Dormstorming got me plugged into a small group early (yay Jay and Rachel, my small group leaders!), my cousin from Florida has a bunch of friends in IV (what are the odds?), and He got me to read The Screwtape Letters during fall break, which admonished me not to become “a taster or connoisseur of churches” – and so I decided on First Baptist Church early on.
God gave me more here than I ever imagined, more than I ever expected. I have never had a fellowship life as rich as this, not even in my old church, where we only met once a week – I even had trouble with that in the army when I worked late on weekdays and even Sunday mornings! I was reading books to keep myself spiritually alive, and barely had the idea that I wanted more of a spiritual life in college.
Then, over the course of the year, I got more and more plugged into IV. Small group, large group and church became the staples of my week… it felt so good to be plugged back into a bible study with peers after only getting that in Sunday school over my childhood. Going to two beach retreats in a row was AWESOME, as were all sorts of events like Viennese ball. Walking by the Chapel everyday was a treat in itself. Life was good, and looking up by the day.
*****
This is where I pause briefly. I’ve shared only with some of you what happened to me, and others may have guessed at what transpired. In any case, I ask that you respect all persons involved, as well as my request for privacy. These are but my own reflections on the year, please let them remain as such.
*****
During my first semester, I got myself into a situation I should not have been in. As it so often happens, what started out innocuously became more and more natural, harder and harder to resist. As I got dragged deeper, I kept finding ways to justify my own actions and ignore what I should have been doing. I was making myself vulnerable to sin and mistakes, digging myself a hole too deep to jump out of.
Thank God for His mercy and love – in the beginning of spring semester, He intervened on my behalf. Doing what I could not bring myself to do, He bodily pulled me from my own sin. It was painful, the longest period of hurt that I can remember. At the same time – and this is what overwhelms me – He poured out His grace upon me, filling my life with opportunity and hope. I had the chance to share the gospel with a close friend; I found a ministry in which I could serve and help; I had the chance to lead a family group in my church’s winter retreat. I had friends who patiently lent listening ears through the lowest troughs of my struggles and sadness, who supported and encouraged me, bringing me back onto my feet.
Second semester was a time of healing, but also one of perseverance. It was then that I decided to stretch myself academically and take a whole bunch of tough courses, mainly to make up for time lost doing FOCUS, and also to see just how much I could handle. I swear I had one of the hardest schedules a first-year student could take! Add that to burgeoning commitments, fellowship, ministry and church, and it felt like I barely had enough time to breathe, let alone heal.
Here, the Lord gently reinforced His lesson of dependence which He taught me in the days of my military training. I had times in the week that were set aside for Him: small group, large group, ministry and church were uncompromisable. I knew that. I just prayed each week for Him to help me out with the rest, to give me strength and wisdom, and just help me get through the commitments and duties of every week. And so it happened: somehow, no matter how much rolled around each week, no matter how close I came to being overwhelmed, things would work out so that I had -just- enough time for everything, never more, but never less. You’d think I’d be tired out, rushing from one thing to the next, barely having time to breathe, just getting back to my room and diving headlong into the mountain of problem sets that I need to clear. Not true – those times set aside for Him were more than just commitments, more than simple responsibilities. They were my recharge stations, the source of my strength for the week. I was carried through the semester. I have no other explanation.
As He led me on, ever so gently, God removed my blinders and spoke to me. He spoke through small things, through experiences, through surprises: Enping, can’t you see? This is what I have planned for you. You can’t serve me that way, not by what you got yourself into. I’m doing this so that you can. He dealt with me kindly, lovingly, in a manner that I completely did not deserve. In the midst of my own brokenness, He somehow found me opportunities to encourage others along the way. He brought me to my knees, and commanded me to serve Him.
The semester went as well as it possibly could have. By His grace, I did well academically, somehow packed everything smoothly, and capped off the year with a glorious time at Rockbridge, IV’s annual leadership / inter-chapter retreat in Goshen, VA. It was an experience I’ll not soon forget: the incredibly rich training to be a small group leader (I’ll be leading a sophomore guys’ small group next year, as well as helping to lead bible study over the summer), the amazing scenery, incredible worship, screaming down the zipline… too many, too numerous to name. I’m now back in NC, one block east of East Campus. Refreshed, relaxed, and starting up summer school.
One of my chief regrets over this year, I guess, is that I’m always rushing through things. I have a lot of reasons for graduating early, not the least of which is that I just turned 22 last week and am trying to get a PhD before I hit 30. =P That leaves me with less time to invest in people and fellowship, unless I plan my priorities well and set aside time to do that. I simply can’t wait to see our cohort of 2010 take over the helm of IV… but, if all goes according to plan, I won’t be here to see it.
Summer’s looking good as well. Classes have started, as well as planning for IV’s meetings over the summer. My research opportunity seems to be working out as well. I’m really excited for the summer… those of us staying actually get to put what we learned at Rockbridge to use, preparing and leading bible studies for people meeting during the summer. I’ve settled into an apartment a block east of Epworth, which is pretty good bar the fact that there’s no laundry facilities. =P Nothing a biweekly drive to Ninth Street can’t solve. (Down with a mild cold right now, but I suspect that’ll blow over soon. Irritating, though.)
So here I am: grown, matured, enriched; broken, humbled, thankful. And I’m only a year through college. To everyone who’s been a part of my college experience, we’ve really had some great memories! We’re going to make some new ones, and they’re going to be fantastic. *grins* To my brothers and sisters in IV, in church, in Christ: thank you so, so much. You guys are the most important people to me here at Duke, and I deeply treasure each and every one of you.
And thank YOU, Lord, for being awesome, gracious, and merciful. You are the reason for my being; You are the reason for which I strive.
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him." Psalm 28:7
Now that I want to keep track of all those memories again, it’s a little difficult finding a place to begin.
Freshman year (or freshman semester / sophomore semester?) has been everything I wanted and hoped it to be. I am once more back in the fray of academia and loving every moment of it… learning and growing after being in effective academic stasis for almost three years (yeah, mandatory military service does that to you). Duke is just a wonderful campus… beautiful architecture, wonderful people, and amazing opportunities abound. I’ve made so many good friends here, and had the chance to interact with wonderful professors and mentors… and I’m looking forward to more and more of this in my years here.
Participating in FOCUS remains one of my most treasured experiences since coming to Duke. Joining a group of passionate students and professors in interdisciplinary study was an amazing way to kick-start the year – and, as luck would have it, even gave me an easier schedule than I would have otherwise had. I made so many good friends there, and even got a start in fields that I’m interested in pursuing.
What I value most of all – what I wouldn’t trade for the world – is my life in Christ right now: my church, my fellowship, my friends. God worked things out wonderfully for me in so many places: Dormstorming got me plugged into a small group early (yay Jay and Rachel, my small group leaders!), my cousin from Florida has a bunch of friends in IV (what are the odds?), and He got me to read The Screwtape Letters during fall break, which admonished me not to become “a taster or connoisseur of churches” – and so I decided on First Baptist Church early on.
God gave me more here than I ever imagined, more than I ever expected. I have never had a fellowship life as rich as this, not even in my old church, where we only met once a week – I even had trouble with that in the army when I worked late on weekdays and even Sunday mornings! I was reading books to keep myself spiritually alive, and barely had the idea that I wanted more of a spiritual life in college.
Then, over the course of the year, I got more and more plugged into IV. Small group, large group and church became the staples of my week… it felt so good to be plugged back into a bible study with peers after only getting that in Sunday school over my childhood. Going to two beach retreats in a row was AWESOME, as were all sorts of events like Viennese ball. Walking by the Chapel everyday was a treat in itself. Life was good, and looking up by the day.
*****
This is where I pause briefly. I’ve shared only with some of you what happened to me, and others may have guessed at what transpired. In any case, I ask that you respect all persons involved, as well as my request for privacy. These are but my own reflections on the year, please let them remain as such.
*****
During my first semester, I got myself into a situation I should not have been in. As it so often happens, what started out innocuously became more and more natural, harder and harder to resist. As I got dragged deeper, I kept finding ways to justify my own actions and ignore what I should have been doing. I was making myself vulnerable to sin and mistakes, digging myself a hole too deep to jump out of.
Thank God for His mercy and love – in the beginning of spring semester, He intervened on my behalf. Doing what I could not bring myself to do, He bodily pulled me from my own sin. It was painful, the longest period of hurt that I can remember. At the same time – and this is what overwhelms me – He poured out His grace upon me, filling my life with opportunity and hope. I had the chance to share the gospel with a close friend; I found a ministry in which I could serve and help; I had the chance to lead a family group in my church’s winter retreat. I had friends who patiently lent listening ears through the lowest troughs of my struggles and sadness, who supported and encouraged me, bringing me back onto my feet.
Second semester was a time of healing, but also one of perseverance. It was then that I decided to stretch myself academically and take a whole bunch of tough courses, mainly to make up for time lost doing FOCUS, and also to see just how much I could handle. I swear I had one of the hardest schedules a first-year student could take! Add that to burgeoning commitments, fellowship, ministry and church, and it felt like I barely had enough time to breathe, let alone heal.
Here, the Lord gently reinforced His lesson of dependence which He taught me in the days of my military training. I had times in the week that were set aside for Him: small group, large group, ministry and church were uncompromisable. I knew that. I just prayed each week for Him to help me out with the rest, to give me strength and wisdom, and just help me get through the commitments and duties of every week. And so it happened: somehow, no matter how much rolled around each week, no matter how close I came to being overwhelmed, things would work out so that I had -just- enough time for everything, never more, but never less. You’d think I’d be tired out, rushing from one thing to the next, barely having time to breathe, just getting back to my room and diving headlong into the mountain of problem sets that I need to clear. Not true – those times set aside for Him were more than just commitments, more than simple responsibilities. They were my recharge stations, the source of my strength for the week. I was carried through the semester. I have no other explanation.
As He led me on, ever so gently, God removed my blinders and spoke to me. He spoke through small things, through experiences, through surprises: Enping, can’t you see? This is what I have planned for you. You can’t serve me that way, not by what you got yourself into. I’m doing this so that you can. He dealt with me kindly, lovingly, in a manner that I completely did not deserve. In the midst of my own brokenness, He somehow found me opportunities to encourage others along the way. He brought me to my knees, and commanded me to serve Him.
The semester went as well as it possibly could have. By His grace, I did well academically, somehow packed everything smoothly, and capped off the year with a glorious time at Rockbridge, IV’s annual leadership / inter-chapter retreat in Goshen, VA. It was an experience I’ll not soon forget: the incredibly rich training to be a small group leader (I’ll be leading a sophomore guys’ small group next year, as well as helping to lead bible study over the summer), the amazing scenery, incredible worship, screaming down the zipline… too many, too numerous to name. I’m now back in NC, one block east of East Campus. Refreshed, relaxed, and starting up summer school.
One of my chief regrets over this year, I guess, is that I’m always rushing through things. I have a lot of reasons for graduating early, not the least of which is that I just turned 22 last week and am trying to get a PhD before I hit 30. =P That leaves me with less time to invest in people and fellowship, unless I plan my priorities well and set aside time to do that. I simply can’t wait to see our cohort of 2010 take over the helm of IV… but, if all goes according to plan, I won’t be here to see it.
Summer’s looking good as well. Classes have started, as well as planning for IV’s meetings over the summer. My research opportunity seems to be working out as well. I’m really excited for the summer… those of us staying actually get to put what we learned at Rockbridge to use, preparing and leading bible studies for people meeting during the summer. I’ve settled into an apartment a block east of Epworth, which is pretty good bar the fact that there’s no laundry facilities. =P Nothing a biweekly drive to Ninth Street can’t solve. (Down with a mild cold right now, but I suspect that’ll blow over soon. Irritating, though.)
So here I am: grown, matured, enriched; broken, humbled, thankful. And I’m only a year through college. To everyone who’s been a part of my college experience, we’ve really had some great memories! We’re going to make some new ones, and they’re going to be fantastic. *grins* To my brothers and sisters in IV, in church, in Christ: thank you so, so much. You guys are the most important people to me here at Duke, and I deeply treasure each and every one of you.
And thank YOU, Lord, for being awesome, gracious, and merciful. You are the reason for my being; You are the reason for which I strive.
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him." Psalm 28:7
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